it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
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Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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