I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
