He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
