im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
