rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
