Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this just has baby written all over it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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