So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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