I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
