OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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