she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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