Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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