I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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