Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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