im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
