great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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