Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize