All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
