Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
