I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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