They should really pass out barf bags in church
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
