fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
