dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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