Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize