At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sober January is a disaster.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
