I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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