you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
