I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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