so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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