thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize