Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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