"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
