Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
