Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
