My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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