Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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