we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
