GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize