You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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