I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
