I have demons in me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
