He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
