You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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