I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
