it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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