I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
