found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
