the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
