Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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