I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
