he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
