Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
