blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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