you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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