What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
