Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
