I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
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My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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