Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize