I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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