It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
