Define "chronic" masturbator.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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