Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
