OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
