Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
