He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
