im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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