OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
