how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
