Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
