Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
