oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
