my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
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im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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