we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
