dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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