remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
