I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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