His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
