she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
