I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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