Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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