You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
