Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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