Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize