it hurts more in the daytime
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
