Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
