Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
