That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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