put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
