I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
