i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
